


On ruminating and tea drinking

by kivutio



Category: Kane and Feels (Podcast)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:02:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24408502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kivutio/pseuds/kivutio
Summary: At the beginning, Kane and Feels didn't know much about each other, so it was only a matter of time before they got to talking.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 9





	On ruminating and tea drinking

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Krzeslicko](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Krzeslicko/gifts).



> This is the longest fic I've even written haha  
> Enjoy 😉

Lucifer Kane rarely ever gave compliments to anyone. It was like a rule he wouldn’t break no matter what, a way to keep himself from getting too comfortable with anyone. If people only looked at you like you were a rat crawling beneath their feet or an unpleasant smell coming from a toilet, he could pretend he didn’t care for them either. 

It was easier, that was, he kept telling himself when another colleague would treat him like rubbish and dismiss his ‘ _crazy’_ ideas. _‘There’s no such a thing as ghosts or demons, you must know that, Lucius._ ’ 

Oh, how he hated them, he truly wished he could smite them all into non-existence. 

When he thought of himself, he saw a broken man, a tired scholar that almost gave up. A bitter, little man, as they liked to call him.

He was jagged, this much was true. His life had never been easy, not when he could see too much and understand too little. That is why he devoted his life to research; he’d spent countless sleepless nights reading old, dusty tomes just to discover that what the author described was utter bullshit. After that, he became aware that to achieve a true understanding of the paranormal world, he would have to learn mostly from his own mistakes. So he did just that, day after day, night after night; painstakingly putting together theories and thoughts, creating an image of the universe that rang true to him, at least a little bit. He was a starving man, the only food that could fill him was the truth.

However, although this passion, this burning desire to _know_ was what was driving him onwards, his unbearable character pushed everyone away, leaving behind an empty palace of obsession and him being a king wearing a crown of glass and thorns.

It was better this way, he reasoned, even if there still was some part of his heart that longed for something he didn’t have, a person he couldn’t be. 

Not in his line of work, anyway. It was better not to think about what you couldn’t have, and so he put a sturdy lock on his heart and didn’t look back.

After that, he passed his days either in utter silence or in a classroom that became less and less crowded as the time went on. Even the students who once looked upon him with stars in their eyes now didn’t spare him even one look. He became invisible.

“I quit”, he told his superiors one day, and they did not look surprised. They accepted his letter of resignation with a visible relief, even going as far as calling him a cab home. ‘ _How nice’_ , he thought bitterly, biting his nails. 

The days that followed, followed a pattern; he woke up, read, ate and smoked. After a while, he gave up most of these things, leaving him only with weed and useless books.

Oh, how low the mighty have fallen. 

***

“Who were you before all this?”, asked Brutus one slow day, when they were lazing around on a couch. They have just finished a case, and although the client did not seem happy in the slightest with the outcome of their investigation, he did pay. Mostly.

Lucifer pretended not to hear, fearing the answer he would have to give as much as the question itself, but Brutus could be relentless if he put his mind to it. 

“Kane, I know virtually nothing about you and we’ve been working together for months. The least you could do is tell me how you ended up as a paranormal investigator.”

“That’s not fair, Feels. You know about me just as much as I know about you. I would say that it’s a fair trade”, answered Lucifer, trying hard to keep his tone steady. He wondered if Feels could tell. With the level of empathy the man possessed, the answer was most likely positive.

“Alright then. How about this - you tell me something about your past and I answer with something of equal value. An equivalent exchange”, proposed Feels, a curious little smile sneaking onto his face. 

Lucifer considered his words for a while and eventually relented, knowing full well that he would regret his choice. Rising with a deep sigh, Lucifer propped himself comfortably on a settee. If they were to have this conversation, they may as well have it face to face.

“I was… an academic”, he started slowly, waiting for it to register in Feels’ mind. Before he could continue, however, his companion cut in.

“Cool. So you were a professor?”

“A lecturer. Surely, you know the difference”, he answered annoyed.

“Sure do”, answered Brutus with a smile on his lips, and _oh_ … Kane felt a tug on his own lips. _Sneaky bastard_.

“I was a lecturer at the university but my bosses weren’t exactly… understanding of what I was pursuing. So I left. The end.”

“That… doesn’t exactly tell me much, I hope you’re aware.”

Lucifer rolled his eyes.

“Oh, no, I wasn’t.”

“Slow down”, laughed Feels, eyes shining softly behind his ridiculous glasses, “or you’ll choke on all that sarcasm.”

There was something fascinating about the way he could look at you and see you like you were the only thing that mattered. It was exhilarating and addictive at once. It was dangerous, too, as Lucifer was reminded once again when those dark eyes buried themselves into his soul, reading it thoroughly. He could not afford to be known to such extent but… it was oh, so tempting. 

“I was a lecturer at the University of London.” _Beans._ Well, in for a penny and all that… “My main focus was on philosophy.”

“Huh. I didn’t take you for a type to study philosophy but I guess it suits you. I honestly thought you’d say theology or something like that but now that I look at you, you do feel like someone who would like the debates and all that philosophic stuff,” Feels’ tone was gentle, as if Lucifer was some sort of _stray kitten_ , but Lucifer was _not_ a scared animal, and he did not appreciate being treated like one. 

With a noticeable grimace, Kane crossed his arms. He couldn’t bring himself to deliberately offend his partner. His emotions felt too raw for that, and he honestly had no idea why, they weren’t talking about anything important, really. 

He took a deep breath before asking, “And you? It’s only fair you tell me something more about yourself, too.”

Brutus laughed at that but it came out a bit forced. Interesting. 

“I’m a private investigator, as you know, I’ve been one for years now. Before that,” he hesitated “I was a copper in London but I suppose you could say that this line of work didn’t agree with me, so I quit. That’s really all there is to it, I’m not a very complicated man”, he said looking straight at Kane, like he wanted very much for him to believe in these words. He was clearly hiding something but Kane didn’t want to press any harder. He squinted his eyes at Brutus with a thoughtful hum. 

“That’s not quite true, is it?” He pointed out, and when Brutus looked at him, startled he added, “Normal people don’t feel the presence of _ghosts_ ”, 

They sat in silence for a while, ignoring each other's presence, which, while uncomfortable, surprisingly worked.

“What about your family?”

“What about it?” Kane tried to play dumb for once in his life, unwilling to answer any more questions about his past.

Feels rolled his eyes.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. But I would like to know more about you if we’re to be partners from now on,” his voice was gentle despite a twinge of annoyance that suddenly overcame him. 

Feels’ consideration distraught Lucifer before he remembered that was who Brutus was at his very core, a gentle giant, even if he had his demons lurking on the inside. Lucifer wished, not for the first time, that he had Brutus’ ability to make other people open up not by brutal force or acrid words, but by kindness.

He shook the feeling off quickly, well aware that kindness would only bring him pain. It wouldn’t do him any good to be vulnerable like Brutus.

“I am an only child.” He had to admit that knowing more about his partner sounded quite useful. If anything, it would build trust between then, and God knows they needed that if they were to live longer than a few years. “I was raised by my mother and never knew my father, he died before I was born.”

Brutus let out a sad sound as if he wanted to comfort him but thought better of it and stopped himself. _Good._

“I don’t need your comfort, Brutus. It all happened a long time ago, I’ve long since come to terms with it, so save your breath,” he said calmly. It was true, after all.

Feels looked at him knowingly and refrained from commenting, choosing instead to share a part of his own life.

“I’ve lost both of my parents a few years ago in a freak accident involving a crane and a few hundred kilograms of cement.” Kane honestly couldn’t tell whether he was serious or not, but he was rendered speechless nonetheless. 

“Well,” he started, unsure of how to react. “I am sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you. And now we’re here”, stated Feels, voice suddenly tight. He then shook his head, as if ridding himself of an unpleasant thought.

“And now we’re here”, repeated Kane, whispering it so quietly he doubted Brutus had heard it. He was proven wrong, however, when his giant of a partner stood up and looked at him from above. _How very intimidating._

“You don’t have to sound so grim about it! I’m a joy to be around and that’s something you, my friend, are definitely not,” he exclaimed, turning around. “Do you want some tea?”, he asked without looking at Lucifer.

“Gods, yes!”

***

 _This could work_ , Lucifer thought to himself, idly drinking tea and observing his partner. They could do this and stay alive. There were some things they would need to change, he supposed, such as Brutus’ choice of tissues, because really, rose-scented were clearly better than the regular ones. 

More importantly, they would have to work on Feels’ perception of paranormal, he was almost as blind to it as a rock. 

That being said, there was a potential hidden in him, which is why he could see all the damn things and why he crossed paths with Lucifer. That, or Lucifer’s influence on him made him see ghosts and such, but it was better not to tell that to the oaf, lest he leave Lucifer and decide to ignore his abilities and dream problems. And that would only lead to one of them dying.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, thank you to my beta, who did an amazing job at correcting my writing.


End file.
